Rise and Shine --- You gotta laugh

Good Morning and welcome to the end of the week!

And, what a week it's been. Sometimes you need a break from reality so...

Why did the cookie go to the doctor? … Because he felt crummy.

The farmer’s son was returning from the market with the crate of chicken’s his father had entrusted to him, when all of a sudden the box fell and broke open. Chickens scurried off in different directions, but the determined boy walked all over the neighborhood scooping up the wayward birds and returning them to the repaired crate. Hoping he had found them all, the boy reluctantly returned home, expecting the worst.
“Pa, the chickens got loose,” the boy confessed sadly, “but I managed to find all twelve of them.”
“Well, you did real good, son,” the farmer beamed. “You left with seven.”

After losing another tooth, young-old Timmy became more curious about the mysterious tooth fairy.
Finally putting two and two together, he came right out and asked his mother, “Mom, are you the tooth fairy?”
Assuming he was old enough to hear the truth, she replied, “Yes Timmy, I am.”
Timmy seemed to take this news quite well.
But as he headed for the door, he slowly turned back toward his mother with a curious look on his face and said, “Wait a minute mom. How do you get into the other kids’ houses?”

Knock Knock
Who's There?
Cargoes
Cargoes Who?
Cargoes Beep Beep !

There are two muffins in the oven.
One says "Man! Its burning up in here!"
The other one says "Hey look! A talking Muffin!!!"

Or this...


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Rise and Shine --- Questions

Good Morning and welcome back to the Internet!

OK, so we've been running a daily poll on www.delcotimes.com for the last few months. Sometimes, the question gets a lot of answers, sometimes (a lot of times) there aren't many responses.
If the Eagles are somehow involved in the question, people are ready to punch their opinion. If it's about the economy, well, we've all been beat up enough.
Now, coming up with a question every day is not the best part of this job. In fact, there are many times I just completely forget to get it done. After asking those around here for some ideas for questions and getting none (something about being too overworked or some other made up excuse), I'm throwing it out to the Web readers.
What's a good question to ask? What's on your mind you want others to weigh in on? I need a question and three or four (or five) multiple choice answers.
For the sake of accounting, here are some examples of bad questions:
1. Who will win Best Sound Editing at the Oscars?
2. How many hours a day do you spend looking at Internet porn?
3. Is George W. Bush the greatest president ever?
4. What would you shove in your ear?
5. Have you ever heard of instinctual eating?
6. Does it hurt if you hit your thumb with a hammer?
7. How long does it take to tie your shoes?
8. Should men be allowed to wear skirts to work?
9. McDonald's Hamburgers are...
10. When will the Eagles win a Super Bowl?

So, stay away from them, but everything else is fair game. Send your questions and answers to onlinedelco@gmail.com
To help you think, I offer this:

Rise and Shine --- Move to a monestary?

Good Morning and welcome to another interesting weekday!

Word out today is the Philadelphia Museum of Art is cutting staff. Word yesterday was major retailers (Target, Macys) saw sales fall so short of what was needed they are considering more cuts. Newspaper companies are in bankruptcy court. The auto industry is still falling like a rock even though the government gave them some free cash. AIG, which got $150 billion in government bailout money, wants more to stay afloat.
Meanwhile, we all go day-to-day hoping the sky doesn't fall, trying to find a solution that might not be there right now.
Then again, it might.
Here are a couple of ideas:
1. Start a community. Maybe those long-haired, freaky people of the '60s had a better idea. Get a bunch of people together, find a farm, grow your own food and live sustaining yourself. Here's one option: The Gaia Yoga Gardens in Hawaii.
2. Join a Monastery. All you have to do is study the teachings of Buddha. Find a monastery you like. Knock on the door. Sure, you have to give all this stuff up, but it might be peaceful.
Then again, maybe not:


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Rise and Shine --- Fat Tuesday

Good Morning and welcome to Fat Tuesday!

Of course, since we don't live in New Orleans and we don't have a big parade, it's just another excuse to eat a doughnut.
Sure, that might not be the most healthy way to get through the day, but it tastes darn good. Besides, if you can't get to New Orleans (or Brazil) why not feel a part of it by doing your own little part.
Then again, when you have three little ones running around, every day can be Mardi Gras. Just pull out the beads, make something to eat and, boom, instant parade. Add some fried, fat-laden, sugar-covered doughnuts and New Orleans will have nothing on us. Sounds like a plan.
Hey, we need all the celebrations we can get these days.
Here's a quick recipe for dinner:

Vegetarian Gumbo
7 cup okra, sliced in 1/2" pieces
1 cup whole wheat pastry flour
3/4 cup oil (I use olive oil)
1 medium onion, minced
1 lg. bell pepper, minced
4 stalks celery, minced
3 tomatoes, diced
10 cup hot water (distilled, filtered, reverse osmosis)
1 Tbs. paprika
1 Tbs. salt (I only use 2 tsp.)
1 tsp. gumbo file powder (I use 2 T.)
1/4 tsp. cayenne
5 bay leaves
1 1/2 Tbs. thyme

Different types of dried mushrooms that have been rehydrated and sliced or chopped, rehydrated TVP, or tofu that has been browned in a little oil to give seafood type textures file to sprinkle on each bowl.

In a dry skillet, fry the okra until lightly browned, and set aside. This takes the slime out of the okra. In a seperate skillet, heat the oil and add the flour and stir constantly until it is a very dark brown (almost burnt). Don't be nervous, a very dark roux is the secret to good gumbo.

When the roux is dark enough, immediately add the onion, bell pepper, celery, and tomatoes, and saute for 10 minutes, stirring constantly. Add the okra, water, and spices, bring to a boil, lower to medium heat, and cook for 45 minutes. Hot water mixes more easily with the roux.

Serve over brown rice, and sprinkle each bowl with about 1/4 tsp gumbo file. Serves 6-8.

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Rise and Shine --- Late night Hollywood

Good Morning and welcome to the bleary eyed!

A long weekend was tipped off by a long night of the Oscars. The question here is how to do you explain all these things. Things that don't seem to make much sense.
First, you have to look at the sun, the clouds and the stars. See them shine and know there is more out there than just a blade of grass.
Then, make the best of any situation you can. Go to work. Pay the bills. Play with the children. Eat good meals. Read books. See movies. Watch television.
That is, unless the television is tuned to the Oscars. Sure, there are some good speeches and some interesting fashions, but, for the most part, the Oscars are boring TV.
In a world where GM is laying off 47,000 after getting an influx of government money, I want to see song and dance, not a costume designer rattling off a list of names.
In a world where we are stuck with an unending war (and unending wars all over the globe), we need escapism. This year's Oscar show gave us some, but was still bogged down in slower than slow moments.
Also, somebody please tell me why the show needs to stretch on longer than three hours.


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Rise and Shine --- Trailing the Oscars

Good Morning and welcome to the end of the week!

So, after sitting through 15 minutes of movie trailers, it's time to make those Oscar picks. Now, granted, it may not be the most scientific way to figure out the best movie, but it beats shelling out $10 for every ticket.
So, here we go:
Best Picture: MILK The preview has a lot of action and music. It also holds the best line of they year: "You have to give them hope." That's something we all need in this day and age.
Best Animated Feature: WALL-E Not only does the trailer give you a great look at the story, it also makes you want to see the movie. When it opens. The first day. Lots of fun.
Best Director: FROST/NIXON Whenever you get a chance to vote for Opie Cunningham, take it.
Beat Actor: Sean Penn in Milk. See above.
Best Actress: Melissa Leo, Frozen River Never heard of the movie before watching the trailer, but it appears to show a story that could be any one of us.
Supporting Actor: Robert Downey Jr. in Tropic Thunder Sure, Heath Ledger is probably going to get the award, but, in three minutes, Downey gives the performance of a lifetime.
Supporting Actress: Viola Davis, Doubt Just a powerful performance.
Now, the trailer of the year:


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Rise and Shine ---- Oscar, bloscar

Good Morning and welcome to Thursday!

So, the Oscars are this Sunday. Make sure you enter our Oscar contest HERE. The winner gets a $50 gift certificate to Stephen's on Main Street in Media. Not only that, but you will get a personal phone call from Daily Times entertainment guru Jim Atkins.
Anyway, back to the Oscars. Do the Academy Awards really mean anything any more?
Having not seen any of the films nominated for best picture (the only movies I've seen this year are Wall-E and Star Wars: The Clone Wars. Get the picture?), I wonder if they are the really the best films of the year. Sure, they are most likely pretty good. I hope to see most when they roll out on DVD, but none can be considered 'big hits.'
Yeah, in these times we are scrimping on entertainment, but they haven't been able to hold a ticket-sale flag to some other movies out there.
All of the Oscar nominated films are still in theaters. Only 'Slumdog Millionaire' has been able to crack the Top 10 in ticket sales this past week.
Not to say movies like 'Friday the 13th,' 'Paul Blart: Mall Cop' or 'The Pink Panther 2' are great movies, but they are what people want to see.
Yeah, we all agree some movies are better than others, but if nobody's watching does it really matter?
By the way, since all you gentle readers are sitting on the edge of your seats, I'll pick the Oscar winners after watching the trailers only in Friday's Rise and Shine.
Here are some funny moments from the Oscars:


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Rise and Shine --- Excuses, excuses

Good Morning and welcome back to the world of excuses!

So, New York Yankees third baseman Alex Rodriguez said he was 'young and stupid' when he was injected with steroids by his cousin. Meanwhile, General Motors had the gall to ask for billions in government aid while also saying they would cut 47,000 jobs. Chrysler also asked for the money and said they would cut 3,000 jobs. In California, the Governator sent out 10,000 layoff notices. Here in Pennsylvania, Gov. Rendell is talking state layoffs, cutting school funding and cutting funding for police.
There are, of course, plenty of excuses for all of this.
So, it's time for the rest of us to use these excuses. Just robbed a bank, hey 'I was young and stupid. Sorry.'
Can't pay the credit card bills? 'I need government aid and will quit my job. Just give me the money.'
Need good schools, forget about it. We don't need no education. There aren't going to be any jobs anyway.
How about this: Don't give any more money to big companies until they show they are willing to help out the country as a whole. If GM cuts one job, tell the big-wigs in the big office to pay for everything. If the state can't function, tell the Governor and state legislature to get to work until it can.
Enough is enough.


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Rise and Shine --- Cabin fever

Good Morning and welcome to another in a long line of cold winter days!

Yeah, that's not old news. It's winter. It's cold. We know that. Although today is supposed to reach the 40s, so there's help for us yet.
Speaking of winter, you can tell it's getting too long by seeing (or hearing) how children handle February.
In short, it's like a horror movie only the crazy, masked madman has been transformed into three seemingly sweet children.
The day (talking weekend here, school days are another story) usually starts out OK. Everybody takes their time getting up. Well, make that around 7 a.m., the time during the week when the wake-up call comes for school. Of course, school days it's like pulling teeth. Weekends, it's all energy and bouncing around.
So, after a quick breakfast, the craziness begins. The yelling, the running around, the throwing of things, the arguing, the fighting and, finally, the meltdown.
Having killed about an hour, the cycle repeats.
Now, it would be easy to send them to watch television or play video games, but there are other things that need to be done (like cleaning rooms). Besides, like the commercial says, 'Too much TV melts the brain.' Although, it is quite tempting.
The calming process doesn't start until after dinner. OK, it's a lie, there is no calming process.
No wonder spring looks so good at least then it can all happen outside.


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Rise and Shine --- President's Day?

Good Morning and welcome to another mid-winter holiday!

Or something like that. Back in the day, President's Day, I'm sure was a big day. Actually, it was Washington's Birthday. Then somebody thought to honor Abe Lincoln, who's birthday was last week. So, instead of having two 'holiday's' within a week, we've combined Washington and Lincoln into 'President's Day.'
For those who really don't know much about the 'holiday' they might think it is to honor all the presidents. While some are surely worth honoring, we don't really need a George Bush Day anytime soon.
Still, with the exception of schools being off and federal workers getting a holiday, what does 'President's Day' really mean.
Mostly, it's a chance for our battered retailers to hold 'President Day Sales.' Every retailer has a 'President's Day Sale.' You can get mattresses, coats, shoes, diapers, food. Anything you want 'on sale.' Really, though, these sales are just repackaging of prices already in effect. So, maybe you'll head to the mall today or maybe you'll go out and cut down a cherry tree.
How about this for President's Day: Let's all call our elected officials and make the accountable for the decisions they make. Then we can all put on wigs and stove pipe hats and read the Constitution.


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Rise and Shine --- Happy Valentines Day (Early?)

Good Morning and welcome to an early Valentines Day gift!

Many ask for gifts. Some want flowers. Others need jewelry. Then there's the special one who doesn't care about material things. That's a keeper, so I offer up this to my favorite library lover:

O my Luve's like a red, red rose
That's newly sprung in June;
O my Luve's like the melodie
That's sweetly played in tune. --- Robert Burns

I have heard the song of the blossoms and the old chant of the sea,
And seen strange lands from under the arched white sails of ships;
But the loveliest things of beauty God ever has showed to me
Are her voice, and her hair, and eyes, and the dear red curve of her lips. --- John Masefield

My heart aches, and a drowsy numbness pains
My sense, as though of hemlock I had drunk,
Or emptied some dull opiate to the drains
One minute past, and Lethe-wards had sunk:
'Tis not through envy of thy happy lot,
But being too happy in thine happiness,--
That thou, light-winged Dryad of the trees
In some melodious plot
Of beechen green, and shadows numberless,
Singest of summer in full-throated ease. --- John Keats

Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?
Thou art more lovely and more temperate.
Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May,
And summer's lease hath all too short a date.
Sometime too hot the eye of heaven shines,
And often is his gold complexion dimmed;
And every fair from fair sometime declines,
By chance, or nature's changing course untrimmed.
But thy eternal summer shall not fade
Nor lose possession of that fair thou ow'st;
Nor shall death brag thou wand'rest in his shade,
When in eternal lines to time thou grow'st,
So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this gives life to thee. --- William Shakespeare

It lies not in our power to love or hate,
For will in us is overruled by fate.
When two are stripped, long ere the course begin,
We wish that one should love, the other win;
And one especially do we affect
Of two gold ingots, like in each respect:
The reason no man knows, let it suffice,
What we behold is censured by our eyes.
Where both deliberate, the love is slight:
Who ever loved, that loved not at first sight? --- Christopher Marlowe



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Rise and Shine --- Ripping the phone book

Good Morning and welcome back to the Internet!

In one of Steve Martin's funniest movies, 'The Jerk,' there is a scene where his character is over-the-top happy when the new phone book is delivered. He quickly scans, finds his name and feels like he now belongs.
These days, the phone book is more of a nuisance than a real tool. Everybody has a cell phone. The Internet offers a listing of any number you could possibly want and, if you aren't near a computer, just dial 411 to get connected.
So, why do we keep getting the phone book every year. Sure, there's a sense of the past when the thing ends up on the front steps. Maybe we take a quick look inside to see if there are any good coupons or menus (although both can be easily accessed on line).
Then what? It either goes on a back table, into a drawer or thrown out. Unless you are a circus performer and want to try to rip one in half, there has to be a better use.
So, here are the top five uses for a useless phone book:
1. Line a bird cage. Instead of using the newspaper, use the pages from the phone book. It adds a bit of color to your road and the pet's. Of course, keep buying the newspaper, just use it for something else (Fish wrapper? Do we wrap fish anymore?).
2. Make paper airplanes out of the pages. What child doesn't like to make paper airplanes? It's an easy couple of folds and, boom, a quick toy. Better yet, it's free. Which leads us to...
3. Make paper boats. Another quick, cheap toy that, with enough pages, will add years of enjoyment.
4. Donate it to the library. Hey, someday somebody might be doing a senior project on phone books. The more the merrier.
5. OK, there are only four alternate uses.


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Rise and Shine --- Come on get happy

Good Morning and welcome to another nice respite in a dark, dreary winter!

Yeah, the world's going down the river without a paddle. Those controlling our money are throwing it around like so much water and jobs are being cut at alarming rates.
Somehow, though, we have to make sure it doesn't get us down. We have to keep a bright outlook because if we don't, who will.
A day like today is going to make it much easier. The heat's not been going on as much this week and today we are going to have a day in the 70s. Sure, most of will be inside doing something, but just the thought of a nice, springlike day is enough to, well, put a spring in your step.
So, for one day anyway, forget the talking heads who are telling us how bad everything has become. Forget the spin being put out there. Forget the bills. Forget the schedules.
Here's a good story to read while taking that mental break. It's about a high school swimmer who was born without eyes, but won't let that stop him from getting in the pool.
Even if you can only do it for an hour, give it a try. Everything will become a bit brighter that way.
At least laugh for a minute:


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Rise and Shine --- The juice

Good Morning and welcome to a bright day!

So, this has undoubtedly happened to a lot out there (if there are really a lot out there). I woke up this morning with a massive headache and a feeling I didn't really sleep at all.
I kind of half walked through the morning routine. Took a shower, walked the dogs, got a couple of lunches together, came to work.
The strongest thing I have to stop the headache is Advil. Sleep? That will come eventually.
Now, flash on over to Alex Rodriguez, the New York Yankees player who admitted to using steroids in 2003 (by the way, if he used them in 2003, how can we really know he's not using them now?). Like many pro athletes (doesn't matter the sport) of the era, he felt the need to 'juice' up. Those big-time stats and long home runs were all chemically enhanced.
One of the big excuses these multi-million dollar athletes use for doing steroids is it helps them recover from little injuries throughout the year. It helps their body fight off things like ... headaches.
So, instead of taking a couple of aspirin and sitting in a dark room for an hour, they steroided up to get to work.
Sure, they live in a different world than all of us, but does it really need to have different rules? They lie about it too.


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Rise and Shine --- Playground fun

Good Morning and aren't we all wishing for more of Sunday's warmth?!

There's really nothing like an unexpected spring-like day in the middle of a cold winter. Not only does it give us a chance to turn the heat down for the day (I'm thumbing my nose at the oil companies at least for one day), but we all get to go outside.
What to do? Well, you could take a walk. You could ride bikes. You could head to the zoo. You could just sit on the front steps and enjoy the warmth.
The best thing is to head to a playground, especially when there are three little ones getting stir crazy by the winter. After all, there's only so much cleaning, reading and watching movies you can do before the brain goes crazy.
So, instead of bouncing off the walls, let them bounce off playground equipment. Up and down the slides, onto the swings (for hours?), running around with reckless abandon and that's just the adults.
While in the middle of summer the playground might not have the same appeal, the middle of winter offers hope. Get out, remember what the air felt like. Throw the ball around. Scream. Yell. Pretend to be a monster.
If only the day could last forever.


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Rise and Shine -- Dance, dance revolution

Good Morning and welcome to Friday!

So, we really are into the Hollywood Award Season. We have the Oscars in a couple of weeks (only saw Wall-E among the nominees) and this Sunday is the Grammy's (never heard one of the nominated songs).
OK, so pop culture may not be my thing, so, you can CLICK HERE to get a preview of Sunday's event
More interesting from this side of the world, though, is how those running the Grammy Awards are trying to be a little bit of everything.
Here is a partial list of the performers for Sunday's show: Neil Diamond, B.B. King, John Mayer, M.I.A., Smokey Robinson, Keith Urban, Stevie Wonder, Estelle and Kanye West; Jennifer Hudson; Jonas Brothers; Kid Rock; Lil Wayne; Paul McCartney (with special guest drummer Dave Grohl of Foo Fighters); Katy Perry; Robert Plant & Alison Krauss; Radiohead; Rihanna; Sugarland; Miley Cyrus and Taylor Swift; T.I. and Justin Timberlake.
So, we have a mix of old school and new 'music.' It's purely an attempt to get those over the age of 21 to tune into the show.
Look, I understand music changes over the years. It evolves like everything else, but the Grammy's never really made much sense. Your favorite song may not be your friend's favorite song. You can't quantify the best when it's up to your own ears to decide what's best.
Unlike movies (where everybody knows the difference from a good one and a Keanu Reeves one), music is personal.
How about dumping the award portion and just show the performances. Or, better yet, just put them all on iTunes and everybody can decide.
Then again, where else can you get this:


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Rise and Shine --- Movie connections

Good Morning and bundle up!

During a conversation in the newsroom yesterday the subject of movies came up (how it got from typewriters to movies is another, very long, story) and there was talk about the new Steve Martin movie 'The Pink Panther 2.'
The movie is a sequel to the 'The Pink Panther' which was a remake of 'The Pink Panther' which was one of the funniest movies ever made.
Now, having seen all the original Pink Panther movies several times, I never really felt the need to see the Steve Martin remake. Really, the originals (there were four really worth seeing), staring Peter Sellers are great movies. They are funny. They are outlandish. They are a good way to escape.
At least for some.
Now, a few years ago as a Christmas gift, I received the DVD box set of all the movies. So, having enjoyed these movies so much, I gathered the family around and popped the first one into the player.
Of course, moments into the movie, I was laughing like crazy, nearly falling off the couch.
The rest of the family? Well, if they could have fallen asleep they would have. If they laughed once throughout the movie, I missed it. For some reason, it didn't connect.
I have a feeling, though, they would find the Steve Martin remake very funny.
Why? There are mysteries out there that can never be solved.
At least I can get the boys to watch the 'Three Stooges.'


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Rise and Shine --- Snowman or lady

Good Morning and welcome back to winter!

Sure, it's going to get warmer this weekend, but last night's snow certainly made things look nice.
It was also great for snowman (and snowballs, but that's another story). While making a snowman last night, it became increasingly clear we haven't had a good snowman snow storm in quite some time.
Three children (ages 9, 6 and 4) really had no idea how to roll the snow for a giant snowman. Sure, they can throw the stuff, but to roll it around the lawn and pick up more just seemed like a foreign concept.
Thanks mild winters!
Trying to describe the art of building a snowman can be tough, especially when the base snowball keeps falling apart. So, it was time to get down in the cold, wet stuff.
We rolled and rolled and rolled. The first part was as tall as the front steps, then it was the little one's turn.
Really, it does the heart good to see a 4-year old little girl, all decked out in pink, rolling snow along the lawn.
So, the snowman got built. Then dressed. Then named.
At which point it became a snowlady. Rightly named Cinderella.

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Rise and Shine --- Grand Slam for the heart

Good Morning and welcome to another snowy morning!

This morning, Denny's is offering a free grand slam breakfast to anybody who comes in the door. Let's break that down for a minute:
The Grand Slam is Denny's most famous meal, it has (if I remember right) two eggs, two sausage links, two strips of bacon, two pancakes and hash browns. What do you get with this? How about 795 calories, 50 grams of fat, 460 milligrams of Cholesterol and 2237mg of Sodium.
Now, mull that over for a minute: 50 grams of fat!
Just as a source of reference, the recommended daily allowance is 65 grams of fat, 300 mg of cholesterol and 2400 mg of sodium.
So, I guess if you the only thing you eat the rest of the day is a few bananas, well, it's a good deal.
Then again, it's free and you will probably burn a few calories standing in line.
Never mind, good deal.
In other news, today was the 'Day the Music Died.' So, in remembering the plane crash that killed Buddy Holly, The Big Bopper and Richie Valens, here's something for those who don't know any of them.


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Rise and Shine --- Steely resolve

Good Morning and welcome back to the '70s!

Well, it turns out it might have been better the Eagles lost to the Cardinals in the NFC Championship game. If the Eagles have shown anything over the last decade, it's they don't handle in-game adversity well. A guy runs back an interception return for 100 yards right before halftime? Well, it wouldn't have been close from there on out.
Then again, the Eagles don't have a receiver like Larry Fitzgerald, who is simply unstoppable.
More important than the game (which really was kind of boring until the final six minutes), are the commercials. This year's bunch, well, like the game, were pretty boring. There weren't any breakout ads that everybody will be talking about today.
Sure, that one where the people have different pets is kind of funny, but doesn't hold up after the first viewing. Budweiser has to re-invent itself. Horses just don't pull the weight any more.
Then again, it's not like the NBC coverage of the game was groundbreaking. John Madden needs to retire. He's become one of those announcers who state the obvious about five minutes after it happened.
NBC did set one mark, though, the absolutely worst post-game interview of all-time. Enjoy, or cringe:

Breaking sports news video. MLB, NFL, NBA, NHL highlights and more.

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