GOOD MORNING, DELAWARE COUNTY!
Welcome to the 'NO POLITICS ZONE.' After this paragraph, there will be no talk of elections, primaries, candidates, change or anything else that's related to politics until we have two candidates. Or until something ridiculous happens.
So, on to the real important stuff:
Last week, the results of a study were published saying those who have trouble at work find it tough to sleep at night.
Really, now. Never would have guessed there could be a connection. Who would have thought that the pressures of the job could have a lasting effect on rest of the day? What, everybody can just put a yelling boss or coworkers who don't actually do anything behind them when walking out the door. Hmmm, I'm certainly glad there was enough money in somebody's budget to do this study.
This follows on the heels of the study that basically said those that eat too many french fries are at risk for heart disease. Then there was the study where those that run long distances can have leg pain. We also had the study where children who don't exercise enough at a young age have less of a chance to become professional athletes.
Now, I want some money to do some studies. Those out there with the funds, send them along. I have a few ideas.
I want to find out if drinking a lot of water leads to more bathroom breaks.
Here are a few other studies, in one opinion, are worth finding out:
n If you drink a lot of coffee in the morning, does that lead to being more awake during the day;
n Does watching 24 straight hours of reality TV melt your brain;
n Is Jay Leno funnier when you don't watch the Tonight Show;
n Who has more time in the day: those who use a lawnmower to cut the grass or those who use scissors;
n If you use jelly beans instead of black beans in a burrito, do your teeth fall out;
n How many strange looks can you get on the street if you dress like Elvis for a month;
n If you drink nothing but beer, will you get drunk;
n How can you get those monkeys to stop jumping on the bed;
n If you lead a horse to water, can you actually make him drink?
There are plenty more, but I need to do a study to figure out which ones are better.
If you have any cool links, photos or ideas for a study, send and e-mail to firstname.lastname@example.org